Back in the good old days, a funeral in a rural church was also a feast day. Women from the church brought in their best casseroles and desserts. It was the communities way of saying to the family that they are loved and cared for. At the end of the meal, all the extra’s were sent home, to remind the family that they were still with them in their mourning.

Those days have long gone, except when a life-long member dies. But some people haven’t realized that. A while ago I had a funeral for a family who hadn’t live in the area for more than six decades. No one in his family was a member of the church since Grandma and Grandpa. The only reason the funeral was at our church was because the family had one spot left on the family plot and decided that since it was already paid for they might as well use it.

Following the funeral there was a luncheon in the basement. Near the end of the lunch one of the family members came up to me and shared how disappointed he was in the meal. There were hardly any casseroles and only four or five desserts, he pointed out to me. He then went on to remind me how the church used to supply the family with a full buffet.

It was hard not to get angry at the man, who I never met until that day. I did try to explain to him that women worked today and the five women that he saw in the back room, were taking of their time on behalf of the family and in fact two of the women took a half day of vacation time to help the other three.

He wasn’t swayed in any fashion and reiterated as he walked away, that the church had certainly gone down hill.

Last night I got a call from someone out of state. In November a family member had died and been cremated and they decided they wanted him to be buried with his grandfather who was buried at one of our churches. “It will be June 5^th, because it works best for the family, and following the committal service we want the ladies to put on a full meal.”

I told them that I would be available to do the committal service, but I couldn’t guarantee that the ladies could put on a meal. It’s a Saturday, women are busy, and its one graduation party after another in our area. I didn’t mention that no one even knew who they were.

She wasn’t happy and told me “I’ll pay.”

I told her that wasn’t the issue. I did promised to talk to the head of the Ladies Aid to see if it was possible. But I did add that if they could do it, they would make the sandwiches and have coffee, milk and lemonade available, but anything else they wanted would be up to the family to bring in.

For a second time she was not happy.

What are you doing in your churches? I doubt our church is the only church facing these unrealistic expectations from non-members. I’d really like to hear from you. Are you still offering meals? Reduced meals? How do you explain things to non-members that the days of the buffets and ten women helping is over?

Not only would I like to know what you are doing, our Ladies group would to. So chime in with your ideas, and thanks in advance.

God bless, Dan